The elders posited a while back that when two elephants fight it is the ground which suffers. The ground is bound to suffer because of the bulkiness of the two beats and their clumsiness.
What then happens when an acerbic Valentina Agyeiwaa a.k.a Afia Schwarzenegger and razor-sharp tongued Kennedy ‘Akumpreku’ Agyapong cross paths? Well as you sure must have witnessed they gripped the nation for the one week or so they were on show with some handing victory to remorseless Valentina Agyeiwaa while others pronounced ‘seized by the moment and cool later’ Akumpreku Agyapong champ.
I am restrained in handing a verdict, that’s for readers to offer but surely the two are heavyweights in their own right.
Valentina began her verbal onslaught on the very person who introduced her to Ghanaians via the Afia Schwarzenegger Show. True the show has never been the same since the multi-talented mum left for reasons best known to her but at least we know she cites Deloris Frimpong-Manso being cruel and mean to her as some of the reasons.
Now after leaving the show, Delay became the fodder on which she fed, throwing arsenals at her from all angles. It must be said that prior to Valentina’s verbal runnings Delay herself had developed a reputation for being sarcastic and witty with words but it soon became clear that she was no match for the comedienne, presenter and MC who had a crafty way with words.
Her lash outs against ‘Cocoa Brown’ include claims that her Delay Mackerel is unwholesome and that she sleeps with ‘Sakawa’ boys to live the fab life.
After those battles, Valentina has gone on to like the Last Don of Sicily executed other opponents including Diamond Appiah, Mzbel, HIV- AIDS fraudster Joyce Dzidzo under the guise of an interview; Florence Obinim and the mighty pastor Snake Obinim himself.
It appeared the warrior who if it were Okonkwo’s era would have drunk from the skull of her victims had everything covered till she finally landed in the compound of the man known for his fetish like seizures such that when the tantrums come nothing could stop him.
It begun according to the reports innocently enough when Afia Schwarzenegger on her mid-morning show on Okay FM had taken exception to Ken’s purported roping in of president Mahama’s mother and other relations of his in a recent attack. For Afia president Mahama is the one Ghanaians invested trust in by voting for as such any qualms about the economy should target him and he only.
Perhaps if Afia had concluded there we might t have been spared the many ‘fillas’ which emerged but like a child who would not take heed, Valentina threaded on slippery grounds when she went ballistic in connoting that the Assin North MP dabbles in the narcotics trade while keeping a seemingly respectable face with certain business fronts including his radio station Oman FM which although she resides at Madina the base of the station, she hardly gets signals from. In effect wondering what a ‘useless’ station was on air for.
Readers might bear in mind that one time associate cum friend turn rival cum foe Delay handles the mid-morning show on Oman. It is clear Afia‘s disdain for Delay intoxicated her to touch Ghana’s anointed verbal attacking machine in Ken.
So what’s Ken’s track record in the insult trade? It makes for interesting viewing. If ken’s verbal battles were fought with guns and knives he would have scars to show but it is safe to say he is a veteran of the ‘diss’ trade.
The member of parliament for Assin North counts among his encounters those engaged with Adwoa Safo, Mugabe the Ghana one, Kojo Mpiani, General Mosquito, Kofi Adams, Ahoi Brothers, Baba Jamal, Alhaji Bature, Prez Mahama, Ibrahim, Afoko, Afari Gyan, Papa Kufuor, Otumfuor, Kofi Wayo, JJ Rawlings and the late casualty Afia Schwarzenegger.
In proving to Afia why she is a baby in the ‘diss’ game, Ken disclosed that such an ugly ‘biatch’ like herself who can’t maintain a man because of her bedwetting problem of 30 years ought to have been guarded in touching his good self.
He also laid bare Afia’s poverty stricken history, prostituting days under the name of ‘Moda’ in a Kumasi suburb to make ends meet including bartering sex for favours.
Often I had wondered why Afia’s late husband’s family wanted to detain their kids after the man’s passing leading to the smuggling of the twins through the Namibian border to Ghana. Ken provided a plausible answer that in one of her prostituting duties, a client she serviced so well fell in love and took her to South Africa and married her before dying under suspicious circumstances alluding that she has Aids.
It also emerged thanks to Ken that Afia’s royal palace i.e ‘ahenfie’ needs some tightening up even suggesting ‘firm fresh’ to be used to sanitize the ‘tokro abodwisei’.
He further pledged to release Afia’s nude photos with an additional promise of making Ghana so uncomfortable for Afia she would go into a self-imposed exile.
When even constrained by the Okay bosses not to respond on her show, Valentina went ahead to reply since she was no quitter. She posited Ken was a loud good for nothing son of a gun claiming to possess wealth yet can’t even cater for his own aged mother who has to sell to make ends meet.
Since all parties knew each other’s sex records, she also disclosed that Ken has the rather queer habit of sleeping around with young girls often not paying for the steamy sessions rather using time for parliamentary meeting as excuse to run away.
She also made sure to remind all Ken is a tasteless man bereft of any fashion sense stressing that when even Ken is presented as a gift she would reject the package on sight.
The ‘Kokonsa’ loving Ghana was having a windfall given that after Itz Tiffany, Joyce Dzidzor and Yvonne Nelson shows nothing better they happen. The Afia-ken tapes were circulating hot with fans appreciating the ‘fillas’ and punchlines. Purported nude phots of Afia also gained currency as the promised work of ‘Akumpreko’. Afia however allayed the fears of her loved ones that those photos can’t be hers as she has a bigger ‘coochie’ stressing Ken cannot possess her nudes as she would rather offer her ‘yonny’ to a dog to lick than for Ken to behold.
Eventually though Afia was missing in action on her ‘Korkorkor’ and mid-morning shows. Talk was rife that she had been fired; others opined she had been suspended but Afia herself posited that her daughter had taken ill and was attending to her at the hospital promising she shall resume work in due course.
Okay FM has tendered in an apology to Hon. Ken Agyapong for the unfortunate incident adding that Afia shall internally be sanctioned. It remains to be seen what sanction parliament intends to offer Ken given that his tantrums are recurring more often.
As always after the adrenalin rush, Ken appears sober and has urged the powers that be at Okay FM not to fire Afia over the incident adding perhaps it shall serve as lesson to her to be guarded.
It remains to be seen what sanction there is for the former Happy FM, e.TV, Music-Music, Kasapa FM lady who although gifted, seems to be the Cantona type of player who shall give you results but also trouble.
All through the verbal warfare one thing stood out. That the fight didn’t descend to a tribe’s war. Just as Ken managed to attack Afia on her own weakness and history without roping in that her tribes folk are loose, uncouth or crude and Afia also targeting the history of ken without resorting to prejudice against his ethnicity, this writer can only wish that same is done for other tribes men and women where attacks be avoided but if they arise it isn’t about “oh don’t mind her, those tribes women are sluttish/ hoh those people their men are bush: don’t you know?.”
Anyways in the match between ‘Akumpreku’ and ‘Misro Shwee’ Schwarzenegger you be the final judge. Who won it for you?