When you enter a serious relationship with someone, you need to commit yourself mind, body and soul. If you’re struggling to make an emotional connection with your partner, here is what you can do.
A relationship doesn’t just come ready-made. It comes in kit form and the two of you have to work hard each day at strengthening the bonds.
I know what it’s like to lose the emotional connection that you once had with your partner. It was there at first, but it’s died away.
Without this emotion connection, the relationship feels flat. This can be a frustrating time for the two of you. You want to feel something for your partner, and you want to feel something from your partner. But whether work or something else has got in the way, that interpersonal closeness has gone.
There is no need to worry yet. Relationships have their ups and downs, their highs and their lows. It’s normal to sometimes feel distant from the person we should be feeling the closest to. It can make us feel anxious and uneasy, and it can create a sort of coldness between the two of us.
Emotional depth and connection can still be reignited. Here are 10 tips on how to create an emotional connection with your partner.
Apologise From Your Heart
Have you done something wrong recently that you know was wrong … but for which you just can’t seem to summon remorse for?
It happens. Sometimes, we should be sorry but we’re not. And if we’re not sorry, it’s much better that we don’t say we are.
Why? Because remorse can’t (and shouldn’t) be faked. It needs to come from your heart. You need to mean it.
If you genuinely don’t feel remorse for something bad you’ve done to your partner recently, try to understand why you don’t feel it.
And when you do want to apologise but can’t find the words, speak up about this to your partner. Explain to them that you’re finding it hard to express yourself.
Many of us have been conditioned to think that being vulnerable in a relationship is actually quite harmful because it puts us out there, totally exposed. And who’s going to like us when we’re totally exposed? Men are supposed to be men, and women are supposed to be super independent these days without any worries. Girl Power! Et cetera.
Not true. Without vulnerability, there is always a distance between the two of you.
Be honest and open. Be vulnerable. Talk about your worst fears and your biggest dreams. For a deeper, more meaningful connection, give yourself up to the other person entirely.
Turn Off Your Phone
How many minutes and hours have you spent with your partner … but not really with them? Instead of enjoying their company, listening to them and engaging with them, your phones and laptops have distracted you both.
Our phones can prevent us from fostering a stronger emotional connection with our partners. Put yours away in the evening and focus on your lover instead.
Admit To Being Defensive
We all get a bit defensive and a bit steely now and then. It’s human nature. But it’s when you don’t admit to being defensive that things can go awry.
Instead of putting up barriers all the time and being defensive about being defensive, just own up to it all. If you don’t, your partner will call you out on it anyway. And this just heaps more unwanted pressure on you.
Recognise when you’re being defensive and try to do something about it.
Ask The Tough Questions
If your conversation remains vapid and superficial, your relationship won’t have any depth. For a stronger, more meaningful and intimate connection, you need to ask the questions that you’ve been avoiding.
Watch Something Funny
Laughter is the best medicine, and it’s also the best way of strengthening emotional bonds with anyone – but especially your partner.
Watch your favourite comedy movie or TV show. Laugh your heads off!
Re-Connect As Soon As Possible
I’ve had situations in the past when my partner has done something that upset me and, instead of forgiving and forgetting as soon as possible, I dwelt on it. I became distant and cold – I lost touch with him. I emotionally disconnected.
Sometimes, this emotional disconnection didn’t last too long because I managed to snap myself out of it. But sometimes it lasted too long.
When we try to make the other person feel bad for what they’ve done, it can have a very bad impact on the relationship – often, a worse impact than the original bad action. It creates emotional disconnection that can eventually be difficult to fix.
Don’t take things majorly to heart. Forgive, forget and re-connect as quickly as possible.
Be Kind To Them
Sometimes, the easiest way to reconnect emotionally again is to practice small acts of kindness for our partner.
Make them a cup of coffee in the morning. Let them have the first bath this time. Cook them dinner. Take a load off for them. Do the chore they were meant to do.
Be An Open Book
Keeping secrets is the easiest way to create a disconnection. As well as being prepared to tell your partner everything, make sure they know they can talk to you about anything, too.
Don’t Make Idle Threats To Leave
Ever made threats to quit a relationship because of something your partner did? It happens. Even thinly veiled threats are threats all the same – in fact, they can sometimes be a form of manipulation. You’re not openly saying that you’re going to quit this relationship if the same thing happens again, but the mere suggestion creates an emotional disconnection.
When we make threats that we don’t actually mean, it’s really detrimental to the health of the relationship. You might not have meant threat to leave, but simply by making the threat you’ve changed the mood of the relationship. You’ve weakened that emotional connection.
If you actually want to leave the relationship, leave. Otherwise, cut the threats out.