Do's and Don'ts to breakup in peace

By Wendy Amarteifio
Breakup
Breakup:Do's and Don'ts to do it in peace

Breaking up with someone is never easy. No matter how hard we try, sometimes problems in a relationship can’t be resolved. No one looks forward to this task as it is unpleasant and usually causes pain and confusion for all involved.


There are ways of breaking up with someone while showing compassion. Clear communication is always the best place to start. Here are some ways to break up with someone in peace and respectfully, if you’re ready to go your separate ways.


The Dos…


Be  Honest
Anytime you break up with someone, be honest and direct. Share with your partner you’re reasoning for wanting to call it quits. Explain your feelings in a calm manner that shows empathy.

Talk about what attracted you to your partner in the first place and what you appreciate about them. Don’t pick apart their bad qualities when trying to explain why things didn’t work out. Think of ways to be honest while remaining kind and gentle.


Remember The Good Times
Speak on positive memories and emphasize the good times you had together. Don’t talk about regrets and be thankful for the good times you once had.

Cut Off Contact
By cutting off contact immediately after the break-up, it’s much easier to move on faster. It’s entirely reasonable and healthy to refrain from speaking or seeing each other for a brief period. Forcing yourself to remain friends will only cause more emotional stress. By distancing yourself, you’re allowing your partner to heal.

Keep It Short And Sweet
Once you’ve decided to break it off, it’s best to get it over with as quickly as possible. Be upfront and don’t drag the conversation out. Don’t focus solely on sparing your partner’s feelings as this can make it worse.

Be honest with yourself about why you’re going forward with the break-up but don’t rehash it all with your partner. Avoid saying things that will potentially hurt or anger them even more. Be kind and come across as understanding as possible. Try to stick to no more than one or two reasons for the break-up.

Try To Avoid An Argument
Your ex-partner will likely be in pain especially if they aren’t expecting the break-up. They may try to respond in anger and lash out as a defense mechanism. It’s important to put yourself in their shoes and respect their feelings.

Break-Up The Way You Would Want To Be Broken Up With
You can break-up with someone with empathy by putting yourself in their shoes. This is likely a tough time for both of you, and you’ll want to look back on it positively. Behave in a manner that you would like to remember.

You’ll never want the final moments of your relationship to be about sadness, guilt, anger, and frustration and your ex probably doesn’t either.


Respect the person you once loved by breaking up with them in person. If you were in a long distance relationship, try to do a video chat. Many people break-up through text messaging to avoid the awkward face-to-face conversation.

Doing this makes you seem uncaring and cold. It also doesn’t give your ex-partner the closure they deserve. If they have questions, they have a right to honest answers. Ask yourself if you would want someone to break up with you by text. 

The don'ts... 


Don’t Do It In Public
Especially if you feel your soon-to-be ex will get emotional, don’t break up with them in public. Doing so puts them on the spot and can embarrass them. Make plans with them to speak in a private but safe place where you can both talk freely.

Don’t Play The Blame Game
Don’t bring up hurt feelings or blame your partner for the break-up. If they choose to respond negatively, never allow them to drag you into it. Focus on how you can try to maintain a positive relationship going forward.

Don’t Lie About Why You’re Ending It
Sugarcoating your break-up won’t save your partner from heartache or pain. It might leave them feeling confused. No matter how ugly it is, the truth will help them move on faster. If they know the break-up is about something beyond their control, they’ll realize there’s nothing they can do to fix it.

READ ALSO:The Best Ways to Cope with a Breakup

Don’t Burn Bridges
Break-ups don’t benefit from burning your partner’s pictures or leaving nasty voicemails. Unfriending them from social media or even stalking them won’t help the healing process.

That doesn’t mean you should become friends with your ex immediately. Take things slow and think twice before removing all signs of your ex from social media.

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