ASKMEN.COM formerly published this cute little ditty about hitting on chicks at your high school reunion.
The writer thought celebrating the passing years since high school graduation was a perfect opportunity to play catch-up and score with all the ladies you wanted to but (because you were a pimple-infested, dork-virgin) never did.
Fair enough, but this had us thinking: What are the places to never hit on someone? Places that you should absolutely, under no circumstances (well... never say never...) try to get laid? Are some places off-limits? We sorta think so.
While crazier things have happened, the below are probably not the best locations to attempt to score a piece. We're almost certain there's a bar somewhere near, so save your dignity, so men (and women), pack it up and head there if you feel the urge.
Here are six places you should never, ever, hit on someone:
- A funeral
While the death of a loved one doesn't necessarily turn off one's genital functioning, we think it's just good manners to keep the conversation clean when there's an open casket.
If there's ever a time and place to strip away the ego and focus on someone else (i.e., the dead), it's at a funeral. So leave that top button fastened and focus on the eulogy. Thanks.
- The gym
Yes, every single one of us has been hit on at the gym. To a slice of the population, a sweaty cesspool of exhausted and sore bodies just spells S-E-X.
This may work for some, we're sure of it, but most people we've talked to would rather drop a dumbbell on their foot than make flirty conversation when they have pit stains the size of Texas. We're just here to work out.
- A job interview
This sounds like a no-brainer, but we've heard stories. We don't care if your interviewer makes Ryan Reynolds or Megan Fox look like Quasimodo, this isn't the time to be giving sideways glances and half-smiles.
- Your therapist's office
While, yes, we're all a little screwy in the head, it probably isn't an awesome idea to slip your number to someone leaving your therapist's office.
While you may have a harmless garden variety of job/life/anxiety, lest you forget that in Sex and the City where Carrie dates and beds her therapist's patient who's seeking help for womanising. Yikes.
- On a plane
Joining the mile-high club is absolutely a life goal (if you haven't already accomplished it), but like the perfect dirty martini, too much of this or that can throw the whole concoction off and make it utterly horrendous.
Similar to getting into compromising situations with strangers on a boat, it's a great rule of thumb to keep to yourself when there isn't a clean-cut exit strategy a few feet away.
- The emergency room
This tops the list of places to never hit on someone. We were once doubled over in agonising pain, certain our death would be met while staring at ugly, beige walls and sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair when Mr. Skeeze sidled up to us like we were at a speed dating event.
If emergency situation sickness people do it for you, then we're sure there's a fetish website out there somewhere. Search for that. Just please leave us alone. Yours and our lives depend on it.