Late nights are the worst time for me, because I am filled with regret and thoughts about my marriage. In an effort to revitalise our marriage, I let my wife walk straight into her new future, without me.
I never knew that a spiritual escape would slowly take my dear, Satu, away from me.
Satishtha and my marriage was going through a rough patch. We both had become so engrossed with our careers, that we hardly gave each other time. We hardly behaved like a married couple.
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All we did was eat food together at the end of the day. Our sex life was suffering, there was no intimacy left between us. We gave no efforts to mend things between us.
Until one day, when I was away on a business trip, I saw a couple, who looked like they were the same age as us, being quite lovey-dovey with each other. They looked deeply in love and their body language radiated love and warmth. Surprisingly, that was my sign to mend this marriage.
And so, I surprised my wife by taking her out to dinner on a Saturday night. While we were trying to catch up with each other’s lives, I surprised her with a spiritual retreat that I had booked for a week.
She seemed very pleased and happy. She flashed a brilliant smile and seemed relieved with the idea of getting away from work. And so, the next week, we set out.
The spiritual retreat was set in the foothills of a gorgeous place in Himachal Pradesh. With a stunning view, we already felt relaxed just by being there.
I could rekindle our marriage with intimacy, while also feeling at peace, in such a place. There was yoga, meditation involved. There was a very serene vibe that guaranteed a fresh start to everything. I was more than elated!
The first two days were incredibly great. Satu and I talked a lot and even had our special time together. However, from the 3rd day, she started attending the spiritual activities on her own, and insisted on going for walks alone.
It did seem absurd but I didn’t push her, as I wanted Satu and I to leave behind all of the bad energy and walk into our life, after a week, feeling fresh and amazing. But Satu began distancing herself from me, and started talking to more people in the retreat.
She even talked to the retreat’s guru for an hour or two! Except for nightime, we were hardly together in the day. I didn’t question her motives, but let her take her time.
On the last day, Satu told me that she wanted to extend her stay at the retreat for a few more days. I was appalled. I again didn’t say anything and went back to our home because I had to attend office the next day. We talked over call a few times over the next few days but Satu seemed very different.
When she came back, she told me that she found herself in a completely different position at the retreat. “I think I finally found myself, the retreat showed me who I really am from the inside.” I should have been happy for her, but then she told me that she wanted to get a divorce from me because she just didn't love me anymore.
My whole world came crashing down. She was determined, I couldn’t even deter her from her decision, regardless of my constant efforts at reconciliation.
She travelled to the retreat constantly and I submerged myself into my work because my heart was completely broken. Our families, friends intervened, but nothing could stop Satu from getting a divorce. “I want to be free” and this broke my heart everytime.
So, after a year, we finally got separated. I was a divorcee while Satu was the flourishing woman who finally found her purpose in life. We both stayed connected via social media. That’s where I could see how happy she was, in the retreat. She travelled to many other places where they preached spirituality.
She looked happy, leaving her previous job. But what shocked me next, was when Satu posted a picture of her and the spiritual guru of the retreat we both were in, on Facebook. The caption said, “To the man, who showed me light.” There were several comments which congratulated the two.
I couldn’t make any sense out of this. And so, I called a mutual friend of ours and asked her what was going on. She was hesitant to answer at first, but she finally revealed that Satu got engaged to the guru! I couldn’t believe it! The same guru who was preaching spirituality stole my Satu away with his charming words!
I now don’t know whether they fell in love after we got divorced or before. Having heard this news, I couldn’t think straight. I can’t even confront Satu because it’s her life now. I just feel, I am crumbling into pieces everyday.