We know that cheating is inevitable, men cheat and so do women; because in the real world there is no such thing as the perfect relationship or the perfect partner.
We all are imperfectly perfect in our own ways and true to our partners in the best possible way that we can. No, I am not justifying the act of cheating over here. But probably time has come that we should stop equating a partner’s loyalty and cheating using the same weighing scale.
Sometimes we falter, we regret, we live in our guilt, try to mend ways with our partner and then try a little harder not to stray. Here are five situations that can make you cheat on your partner.
But this doesn’t happen at all; looking for a fling outside marriage becomes a norm for some, especially with men.
At times, a string of affairs with prostitutes become as regular as clockwork, a habit difficult to break from, a pull difficult to resist. So, why do men go to a sex worker risking his marriage, affair and the relation that he still wants to safeguard with all his might? We spoke to Dr Sanghanayak Meshram, psychiatrist and sexologist, Mumbai to unravel this question.
‘There are certain stages in a man’s life when he is more likely to look for an adventure through physical intimacy than other times. The most common of all is pregnancy. If the woman has to stay away from sex due to medical reasons during pregnancy it becomes difficult for the husband to control his sexual urges during that period. Some men resort to masturbation but for others, it might not be a satisfactory act.
Extramarital affairs at this time seem to be the natural progression to satisfy the urges. But affairs don’t happen just at the drop of a hat and when sexual urges are at its peak a man might decide to visit a sex worker. He pays a price for a service and gets out of it within no time,’ says Dr Meshram. Here are seven illogical reasons cheaters give when they are caught.
Apart from this, there are other times also when a man defies all logic of a healthy relationship, morals and logic to get cosy with a prostitute, some of the common reasons are:
Looking for an adventure
Many men have this innate urge to be adventurous in bed or try something new to break the monotony of sex. This is what makes them want to step out of the comfort zone of marital sex and seek physical intimacy with a prostitute or sex worker.
‘They might not risk their marriage or a steady relationship by having an affair on the sides. So going to a prostitute becomes easy. They know once the act is done they will not be accused of infidelity, cheating or betrayal by the sex worker. This makes the entire adventure easy and probably satisfying too,’ he says.
Satisfying certain need or fantasies
Let us admit that innovation in bed is the key to breaking the monotony and saving a marriage or a relationship. When a man is more experimental than the woman or his sexual urges are high and unmatched to his partner’s low libido, looking for a fling outside the relationship is common.
‘Some men might want to try out different sex position or demand oral sex from the partner, which she might not comply too. When sexual desires and requests are not entertained by partners, going to a sex worker is just the answer. A man usually thinks that if he is paying for a service his demands can be fulfilled and one cannot refuse to obey.
With a partner he might not be able to get away with his fetishes and fantasies as there is still an unspoken code of conduct that needs to be maintained in bed,’ says Dr Meshram. There are times when men break this code of conduct, but it is a topic of discussion for later.
Sometimes men justify their act by getting into revenge sex. ‘They go to a sex worker when they aren’t satisfied with their partner’s responses in bed or refusal of sex by the means in which they want to attain sexual fulfilment. With an escort or sex worker, he can discuss his choices and pay only if she agrees to fulfil his desires.
This makes him go for a revenge sex as it boosts his inflated ego and reinstates his faith in his false machismo after he is able to play out his fantasies in real,’ he opines.
This at times works as a trigger to instigate a visit to a sex worker. ‘Sometimes, guys disclose their sexual escapades in WhatsApp groups or other online platforms which make the other try similar escapades. Once they know that getting sex outside a relationship or marriage is that easy they get hooked to it,’ says Dr Meshram.
Most of the time men might try an unusual sexual escapade with a sex worker just out of sheer boredom. Unlike, the days before digitalisation where you had to rely on someone to take you to such infamous places, ‘today you can just Google and get information. This easy access is also another reason why there is a rise in infidelity these days,’ he says.